Ugly prayer turned pretty

God, I am attempting to draw near to you, I know that in order to do so a lot of shit needs to be drained out of my life. I seemed to have clogged up at some point.

Call it depression, call it exhaustion, call it caregiver burnout, call it what you want. I’ve lived numb for a while, but now you are awakening me. My limbs tingle, there’s a bit of a rumble in my belly, my heart is beating a tad louder, enough to show me I’m alive – and that my purpose is to give you glory with what you’ve given me.

I pray that you show me what I need to change, and good luck with that, because I’m afraid my heart could probably when a spot on HOARDERS these days.

I see cars drive by out the window. I hear the heat tick on here in the house. I have a lump in my throat when I dare myself to be still and look to you. My hair is greasy,  I’m weary, and unsure.

Sheets on beds desperately need laundering.

And so do I.

Here I am.

And the best thing about all of this is you are here too.