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http://www.stockfreeimages.com/ A spouse’s perspective on depression (Help me welcome guest blogger Leanne today! I love this post. Hope you find it helpful as well!) “Is it the end of the world that she feels that way and you feel this way?” Our counselor was finishing the end of our session. “No, it’s not the end of the world…” But my husband didn’t sound sure. He swiveled to me. “Is it the end of the world
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(I’m over at Not Alone: Where Special Parents Find Community, talking about how sometimes as we parent kids with special needs, we need permission to say it’s hard. Read the whole post here … It’s my first time there. I’d love for you to stop by!) Special Needs Parents: I give you permission Are you a parent to a child or children with special needs? If so, I have a message for you today. I
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6 Responses
I will have to think about this. I have known nine suicides in my life. I am the widow of a suicide. I am a preschool teacher–not a profession where one would expect to run into such things—but there it is. Over the years I have come to realize that we, as a culture, even our doctors, have a problem with defining the word “depression.” It seems to me that we are often talking about very different things when we use that word–even when we are earnestly listening and trying to understand. We don’t seem to have the language to communicate the wide array of distinctions we need to make in a conversation about depression. We resort to words like “negative thoughts,” or “down moods,” or “bad feelings.” We talk about “stress” and “fatigue.” Any of those things may or may not be involved in “depression;” any or all of these might be involved in a routine week of “normal” life. So…?
Hi Mary Beth! Definitely a learning curve for me too. I tried to very carefully use language that has been offered to us by professionals. I borrowed the term “covert depression” from a fabulous book called “I Don’t Want to Talk About It” by Terrence Real. It is this covert depression that masks itself as stress, fatigue, anger, etc. All very human emotions to be sure. We have learned that we were lacking the tools to cope with the every day, and it nearly got the best of us. Mary Beth, I am so sorry for your loss. I pray that God continues to strengthen you to be a light in the lives of your sweet little ones! Thanks for “listening.”
Leanne, thanks for sharing part of your story. My husband who is also a pastor struggles with depression. You’re absolutely right about not rescuing each other, but it is so hard not to jump into rescue mode. It’s a huge learning curve! Thank you for the reminder that “feelings pass”.
Lauren, you are so welcome! I need a reminder on my bathroom mirror! Ministry, especially, applauds the work of rescuing (to the minister’s detriment unfortunately). My constant refrain has become, “It is not my job to make you happy or fix your problems; it is my job to help you recognize the grace of God working in your life.” I borrow that refrain from Eugene Peterson in his book “The Contemplative Pastor.” I pray that God would continue to strengthen you and your husband for the work to which you are called! Thanks for “listening.”
Just found you a couple of days ago, and I’m enjoying your posts. Thank you.
Went to Leanne Burris’ blogsite hoping to find links to more info on cyclical dysthemia but found nothing in the posts search. Would you ask her to share some, please? I’m no longer interested in pharmaceuticals for the problem, but even that sort of info might lead me to something I can use. After meds destroyed my health and my mind and nearly killed me I’ve come a long way toward health via diet, but nothing made near the difference that learning to trust God with my anxiety, stress, and depression has. Working on pride and anger now, too. 🙂 The more I learn, the more I find I need to know about Him.
Hi Kathryn…Gillian asked me to jump in. I’m afraid this is such a new topic for me, Gillian has been the first one to even get this much from me! And, I am not a mental/behavioral health professional, just a pastor. I can highly recommend a book called “I Don’t Want to Talk About It” by Terrence Real. It deals exclusively with male covert depression, but it opened my eyes to the reality of dysthemia and how it has been affecting our family for so long. Trusting God has certainly been a lifesaving choice for us! Thankfully, God has put in our path counselors who have helped us with new ways of thinking, the work of psychotherapy. I confess it took a while to find the right counselor/doctors. I pray that God would continue to strengthen you to seek and know his grace as he fills you with all spiritual blessings to overcome that which seeks to harm you. Thanks for “listening.”