This picture of Polly has nothing to do with my post. I just like it.

“One of the few things I know about writing is this: spend it all.  Shoot it, play it, lose it, all, right away, every time. Do not hoard what seems good for a later place in the book, or for another book; give it, give it all, give it now. The impulse to save something good for a better place later is the signal to spend it now. Something more will arise for later, something better. These things will fill from behind, from beneath, like water. Similarly, the impulse to keep to yourself what you have learned is not only shameful, it is destructive. Anything you do not give freely and abundantly becomes lost to you. You open your safe and find ashes.”

Annie Dillard, The Writing Life

(Please note: this is a regurgitated post, reconfigured because God brought it to mind today as I sat down to write.)

I keep a saved document in my book folder on my computer called “Why I’m doing it.” I wrote a quick page four years ago after I decided to seriously pursue writing a memoir. Every once in a while I open the document and read it. Every time the words resonate. Every time the jotted thoughts help to re-align my writing goals. They help me remember the important stuff. They push me to continue:

I struggle with the notion that anyone would want to take time out of their day to read about my life. But the fact is, my life, is stranger than fiction. I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried. So, here is my list of why I’m doing it:

1. I love to write. When I write, I think. Sometimes I sit down at my desk to write (when all is quiet, kids at school, husband off to work) and the clock catches the corner of my eye, and somehow, it has been hours since I started. I enjoy spending a whole morning working on one paragraph, trying out different words, seeing if I can make my writing more descriptive and authentic.

2. I don’t want to waste the experiences God has given me. I know it sounds ultra snobby, but I’m starting to believe it’s God’s will for me to write books. And while that is scary and I wonder how someone like me could accomplish something like that, I realize I just need to do it, to sock away words and thoughts and memories, to be true to getting my thoughts down on paper and then trust that God has a purpose greater than my own narcissism for it.

3. Our Christian culture desperately needs authenticity. There is an elephant in the room when it comes to Christians. We don’t tell the whole truth. We hide our doubts and struggles, and in doing so, we also hide the power of Christ’s life, death, and resurrection. So many people don’t want to give God a second thought to a life of faith because of how we, the people who follow Christ, treat them and treat one another.

It’s important to be honest about my faith and let people in on that process. No to self-help, no to wrapping my story up at the end with a pretty little bow. Yes to being real, to pointing my finger to Christ through my brokenness and failure and to his grace and his strength. Showing how I’ve grown and been challenged and how I fall time and again on my butt should point others to Jesus.

4. God told me to write it.  It’s like that whole Chariots of Fire reference that is way overused: “When I run, I feel his pleasure.” Cliche’, but true. When I write, I feel the Lord’s companionship and pleasure. His supernatural thumb has pressed down on my head for over half of my life. At times the pressure causes me to buckle. Honestly, sometimes I would rather be left to my own devices. But God always provides his blessed assurance. For better or worse, Jesus is mine. I LOVE the qoute from Annie Dillard at the top of my post. “Anything you do not give freely and abundantly becomes lost to you. You open your safe and find ashes.”

So what about you? Why are you doing what you are doing? Really, I want to know.